Lifted Up

This week has been an emotional one to say the least. A series of events on Monday left me sad, spent, and hopeless. I won't share details at this time, but just ask that you all continue to stand and keep us in prayer when you think of us. Many don't understand the depth of heartache and strength that is required to endure this, but if we are on your heart, we appreciate your cries to our awesome God. I know that prayers have sustained me and given me the strength that I've needed during this time. I have experienced the strength of Christ that He spoke to Paul about, His strength that is perfected in weakness. Boy am I weak! It's actually a pretty amazing thing to experience.

I have such a great amount of appreciation for the love and support my parents have been. I could not imagine how I couple possibly care for him and Ari without their help. They allow me to get out of the house and give me a break from chasing my little toddler around. I say all the time that I can barely do this with their help I know for sure that I would be sinking fast without it. I'm blessed to have such support and love from my parents. I also must say that friends and family have been so encouraging and uplifting in this trial. I literally feel my arms being lifted up by so many surrounding me.

Before Rob went back to the hospital a couple of months ago, we three moved in with my folks while our house got painted. We anticipated moving back home in two weeks, but now we are going on two months living with them. It started with a CT scan that Rob did a couple of months ago. The scan results were not what we were hoping. The initial tumor showed to be super large while pressing on the spleen and what remains of the left lung, and has shifted the heart and trachea to the right side. Multiple tumors appear in the right lung. After this news, Rob started experiencing a lot of pain and panic about what was happening in his body. He started going to the hospital for pain and eventually ended up at the University of Colorado hospital after his appointment with the sarcoma specialist. He stayed in that hospital for four days and then came home with hospice.

I have been upfront with hospice and told them that although they may be used to helping people by comforting them before they die, we needed their help to check vitals and help wean off narcotic pain medicine. Part of the struggle that I've had is that I am holding this hope, standing in faith for my husband to be healed, and hospice is coming in speaking and acting in the opposite. It makes it harder and lonely when I refute their words of death.

Rob continues to sleep most of the time. I wake him up to eat, help him to the bathroom, and administer medicine. He is up to three grams of cannabis oil per day now, and the dilauded has been lowered to .2 grams per hour. I'm hoping that we will get this bag off him in the next week. He is more lucid than he's been in a month (hallelujah)!

He boycotted his oxygen yesterday, and when I went to bed his oxygen level was 92 so I let him sleep without it. This morning it came in at 94, so oxygen absorption is looking good.